Real girlfriend

Why have I been blaming God for not dating?

If you have not read my previous two blog posts “Imaginary Defender” and “Imaginary Girlfriend”, please do so. It will put this post into context. A short story to summarize my last two posts, I was talking to a girl a few months back, and she was saying that she knows that some girls do not get married to the most attractive men that they can imagine, and that is perfectly okay. However, she had never thought it would be her. Just as when I entered the mission and thought “I know that many missionaries do not baptize much, and that is perfectly okay. However, that will not be me.” Both of us now realize that we had ’imagined’ a situation that would not apply to us.

Now we know that people have imaginary boyfriends or girlfriends blocking them from dating. When I wrote the post last week, I did not know how to overcome that obstacle. After pondering for a week about it, I have some thoughts.

I am very open about my dating life. I talk to people about it, and the struggles I go through. The most common answer is, “Do not worry, she will come. God is preparing someone great for you” or something along those lines. I liked hearing that, and I honestly believed that was true. I kept on pushing on strong, firmly believing that He was going to send someone my way. I was then talking to a girl this week about it, and she told me that sometimes we want God to metaphorically fill up our small boxes full of happiness when He has a much bigger box that He wants to give us. It is like the quote by Elder Holland where he says, “You can have what you want, or you can have something better”. While I agreed with that principle, I did not believe that I was in that situation. I felt like I am asking God to give me that big box, but He was withholding it from me. I trusted that it was for a good reason.

It was not until I read D&C 26:2 which says, “For all things shall be received by faith”. That was when the spirit shook my shoulders and said, “Why are you blaming God for your lack of faith in dating?”. This scripture says that all things shall be received by faith. Therefore, I can receive a girlfriend and or wife by faith. That lie that I had been believing was that God had been withholding a girl from me. He has not been withholding anything from me. Why would He be waiting to send a girl when he has commanded us through his prophets to make dating in our post mission life a priority? The first commandment given to men is to multiply and replenish the earth. Boyd K. Packer talked about marriage as the key to happiness. He has not been withholding anything from me, the girls are just not what I had always imagined them to be.

This is the hard part. Having the faith to date. Having the faith to “receive all things”. In the mission, we are taught to have faith that the people that God puts in our path are ready to receive the gospel. Why would dating be any different? He has already put people into my path that I could marry and be happy with. They are in my ward, in my classes, He has not sent one yet, He has sent many! I kept on denying them because they did not look like my imaginary girlfriend. I need to have faith that the girls I know have been put in my path by God, and I need to go ahead and date them. All this time, I have been subconsciously waiting for the “one”, but that would imply a soul mate, and the church teaches against soul mates. The prophets have said that any two righteous people who are trying can make a marriage work.

Now red alerts are probably sounding in your head as you imagine yourself marrying that certain person that you just really do not want to marry. I am not saying to marry someone that you are not attracted to. There are still many things that must be in place for a marriage to work. As my dad says, “Do not marry someone expecting them to change or for problems to fix themselves.” However, I believe that if we keep on waiting for that perfect girl, not perfect, but perfect for us, then we will be waiting a long time. I believe that a good question to ask oneself is “Am I not considering him or her just because she is not what I imagined? Or is there a legitimate concern that I have with dating that person?”

One reason that this principle is so important is the traveling salesman problem. There was a stellar BYU speech about this very subject, and I suggest to all of you to read it here. The principle is that when trying to make a perfect decision, we freeze and do not act because of all the variables at stake. It is impossible to know what would be the perfect decision. I have seen that I have been frozen for a year, trying to make the perfect decision. I need to just act and try to make the best decision that I can. As Elder Scott taught, If God does not want me to date the girl I am going out with, He will let me know. In the meantime, I better work on my faith.