The Friend-Zone

If you have not read my previous three blog posts “Imaginary Defender, Imaginary Girlfriend, and Real Girlfriend”, please do so because it will put this post into context.

One place that no one wants to be in is the friend-zone, or Palcatraz as one of my best friends termed it. I once watched a video on facebook explaining how the friend-zone does not exist. It was about how it is something we imagine and put ourselves in. Essentially, it was saying that we treat the people that we want to date like any other person so that they do not know that we like them. It then explains how to get out of that imaginary place by playing hard to get. The video is correct that if you are treating the person that you like just like any other person, it will not work. However, what if you already are treating them differently from any other person and they still just see you as a friend? The friend-zone truly exists in that moment.

I was talking to a girl that was engaged. I asked her how she met her fiancée, and she said that she had known him for about two years. He had always liked her, but she had put him in the friend-zone. I asked her what changed. She said, “I just finally realized, why not? and I started dating him.” I stared in shock. That simple huh? Poor guy! Two years is quite a while. This girl proves though, that the friendzone can be broken. However, it is usually not the person that has been friend zoned that will easily break out of it, they need a little help from the friend-zoner.

I have thought of a new definition for friend-zone. It might not apply in all cases, but in many it does, and I will provide evidence. Based off of my previous blogs, someone who you friend-zone is a person that has a lot of the qualities that you would want in a spouse (Hence why you are great friends with them) but they do not have all of the qualities that your imaginary girlfriend or boyfriend has. Many of those lacking qualities do not matter in the eternal scheme (physicality, personality, etc.). My best friends have always told me “You are such a great person, you will make an awesome husband and father one day”. What they always leave out is the implied line “just not with me…”.

Since I have been back from the mission, many times that I have asked girls on dates, they have gotten scared and said that I am trying to move to fast. When I take it slow and hang out, I become great friends with them. They realize that I am a great guy, but by then I have already been friend-zoned. I am sure I am not the only one who has experienced that before.

I say that we should consider those in our friend-zones as potential spouses. I am not saying we must consider everyone. I have people in my friend-zone that I would not want to date. Not because I am looking for my imaginary girlfriend, but rather there are actual things about them that I know would not work well in a marriage. However, there are other girls who are in my friendzone that I have realized we would have an awesome relationship. For it to work, both sides need to realize the same thing.

Married people seem to know that you really should marry your best friend, and you will have a much better relationship. I have seen many people’s spouses and been initially surprised because their spouse does not look how I imagined they would. But then there I go making imaginary boyfriends or girlfriends for other people. I recall my brother talking about single college kids and he said, “They just need to grow up and get married!”. I was confused at the time because how do you just do that? But I understand now. It is not as complicated as we make it out to be. Some of us, including myself, have needed to stop imagining, and go and do it. Simple does not equate to easy, but it is worth it.

In conclusion, I am not saying we should date someone that it would not work out with. However, I do think many of us could expand our options a little bit because I know that I needed to. Those options could include those in our friend-zones. Again, everyone is not an option if we know it would not work with them, but maybe we need to look past feeling the butterflies and see how great of a relationship we could have with that person if we came to love them.