Consecration

Sometimes the Lord consecrates us in ways that we never considered.

I had imagined my mission to be much different than it was. I fully knew that many missionaries did not baptize a lot in their missions, and that is perfectly okay. However, I thought that that would never happen to me. After about nine months into my mission, I was beginning to realize that I was becoming the missionary that rarely baptized. I had friends in other missionaries baptizing all the time, and I wondered what I could do better. We had a zone conference about consecration, and we were all challenged to do one specific thing to consecrate ourselves better. After praying for a while on what I could do, I found where I was lacking, and I committed to consecrate myself in that area. I had heard that as a missionary, you can promise to give up certain things, and the Lord would bless you with specific things, so I also asked for a blessing in return. I wanted more baptisms.

Months passed, and I was perfect in my consecration. I never missed my goal even once. As time went on, the more troubled I became. Where were the baptisms? What troubled me most was that I felt like the spirit was silent during those months. I still could testify and do everyday missionary functions, but I was not receiving personal revelation. I never doubted that the Lord was there, I just could not figure out what he wanted me to learn.

After about six months, one day while pondering deeply while walking in the street, the floodgates opened. I heard Elder Holland’s voice in my head in one of his famous talks where he describes Jesus talking to Peter after his resurrection and saying, “If I want fish, I can get fish!”. In my case, I heard him saying to me “If I want baptisms, I can get baptisms! What I didn’t have is a consecrated missionary!”

We learned in the mission that there are three levels of obedience. One is obedience because we fear God, the next level is we sacrifice things to receive blessings, and the third is where we obey because we love God. That is consecration. I realized that I had been on level two. I was sacrificing, hoping to receive blessings. If God had given me the baptisms that I had desired, then I would have remained on level two thinking that I can keep on only sacrificing to receive blessings.

I realized that by that time, I had stopped hoping for the baptisms. I did not believe that they were coming. However, I was continuing to sacrifice what I had committed to sacrifice. I was then consecrated. I now would do what I should do no matter the outcome.

The Lord says that missionary work is “His” work many times in the Doctrine and Covenants. Why didn’t I truly believe that then? Like the spirit told me, He gets baptisms when He wants them. How many stories have we heard of people walking up to the missionaries and asking to be baptized or to learn more about the church? Even some disobedient missionaries baptized way more than I did. Therefore, the Lord works in His vineyard, but He also works in us in a special way as we participate in the work of salvation. For other missionaries, maybe getting baptisms is what consecrated them. For me, getting baptisms would have kept me from being consecrated. The Lord prepares us all individually, but He keeps His work and church going. Nothing we can do of our own effort will advance it or stop it because it isn’t “our” work, it is “His”. We can only decide if we want Him to do a work in us by participating in it. Yes, it is true that we are the Lord’s hands, but if we choose not to be, He can always choose another.

Therefore, when things don’t go the way that we want them to in life. Let us not say, “Why would you do this to me God?” Rather let’s say “What do you want me to learn from this experience?”. It is likely that He is consecrating you in a way you had never imagined possible.