Let Down Your Walls

Mark Twain said, “I can live on a good compliment for two months.” Why are compliments so powerful? Something that I have observed is how one feels when he opens himself up to someone else.

The mind is a person’s last sanctuary. Thoughts are the only thing that no one could possibly know except for God Himself. Many people are reluctant to let others in on what’s on their mind because then they have nothing else that is theirs. I was once in a focus group about dating, and one of the girls was very unsettled about the topic of marriage. She said, “I just don’t feel comfortable with trusting all of my thoughts and secrets to one person.” She did not want to let down her walls.

In a seminary class, we were taught the importance of letting down our walls by doing an activity. The teacher had all of us talk to each other and first just tell each other about some of our favorite things in life. Then after a couple minutes, he had us tell each other about what things we liked about our families. Then after that, he had us tell each other what things we liked about the Savior. The feeling in the room had changed considerably. He showed us that at the start of the activity, we all had our emotional walls up. By then end of it we had all lowered them, and we were sharing how we felt about the Savior.

I believe more of us are willing to share our thoughts about the Savior than our thoughts about our friends. Think about how much you like a good compliment. I think everyone else likes them just as much. It is because a compliment is letting the other person into your thoughts about them. By giving them access to this sacred area of your brain, they feel honored and grateful.

One of my favorite things to do, is to tell someone my memories of them. I once told a girl what I thought of her the first time I saw her. It was knowledge that I knew well, but she would have no way of knowing. I told her the exact thoughts that went through my head when I saw her, and what I told my friend standing by me at the time. It made her very happy to hear that. I knew it made her like me more than if I were to never let down my walls.

A good compliment really does go a long way. I think all of us need to hear some good affirmation. Even the person that is the strongest in our view still needs to hear what others think of them. What about those prideful people that we don’t praise them or compliment them because we know it will just inflate their ego? Well, Ezra Taft Benson said, “Withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another… is a form of pride.”